.png)
This blog is inspired by the fact that I have been MIA (Missing in action) from this space for a few months! Yet still doing life, here all along..... Just like God is for us - he never leaves or forsakes us.
I also had a strong revelation in worship the other day about God being there all along for us. No matter what and through all things, just sitting there waiting for us to enter his presence any time, how often do we forget that?
Well, I am back, writing on the train because….. I want to share, for the purpose of encouragement, some of the amazing things God has been doing in our lives, out of a really tough time.
As some of you are aware I took a huge leap in my career and took a job in the city, full time with the Government, doing what I LOVE every day with a team that is awesome.
The shift was not really in my plan but it was definitely in Gods’.
Sharing in context and to paint a picture of how massively God has blessed us, in a time where we couldn’t see 2 feet in front of us on many fronts…..
June - September 2022 consisted of
An unexpected house move, our landlords decided to move their son into our home 6 weeks out from the lease ending
Lots of sickness in our home and family some of it serious
An odd ending to some of my contracts, no idea where I was going to work or what on from August onwards
My mum, almost 80, being given the opportunity to also move after 17 yrs in one place, a good move but very stressful for her and involving us all.
These are some of the bigger things, but there were plenty of those smaller life stressors in there too.
I felt crushed and pushed on all sides, exhausted, fearful, so I pressed in to God, which on some days was not easy at all. I continued to serve, volunteer, pray, speak against the enemies attempts to push doubt and fear to the front of my mind.
Sometimes I was victorious with God's help, and sometimes I was not.
In the middle of all of this, a new role came across my desk 3 times in 24 hours. YES It took 3 times to make me realise that I was ‘meant’ to apply for it.
Also for context, this role was MASSIVE and a step into the public sector, which from private sector is not an easy one. The recruitment was happening at a national level, and there were things in the job description I was sure I could do but had to work out how to show the correlation between what I had been doing and what they were looking for.
I prayed and then dove in, decided to give it a huge crack and put my ‘hat in the ring’
I spent time on my CV, on my cover letter and gave it 100%.
I still wasn’t confident, lots of doubt and fear. But something, should I say, someone was fueling me…..God.
Once I made it into the top 3 in NZ for this role, I started to realise that it was ‘serious’
NOTE: This interview process and progression all happened while we were moving house and I was very unwell, again.
My most important interview happened while I had a chest infection.
I will just stop and acknowledge Gods’ amazing provision in all circumstances.
** We found a house fast and one that was bigger and better than where we had been
** The interviews were online because half the team is in Auckland.
So I was able to turn up for an hour, take enough medicine to stop coughing and just do it anyway, 100% of what I had.
"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 'The LORD is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I will hope in him.' The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD" (Lamentations 3:22-26)
After the interview, the enemy took hold of my head and because I was sick he got in easier, all the thoughts ran wild.
During the interview, I had a boldness and confidence I wasn’t used to sharing in this environment, a panel of 3 senior leaders in the organisation made up the panel.
This lead to a huge amount of ‘afterthoughts’ to swim around
“ Maybe I came across too confident”
“Did I sound arrogant?”
“Was I too authentically me?”
And on……
Some call this imposter syndrome, I call it the enemy trying to rob me of any joy or forward progress.
After the interview, I started to really ‘want’ the job, I loved the women who interviewed me.
Gods attention to details:
I had these beliefs about working in the ‘big’ Govt or corporate world, that I would have to sell my ‘soul’ that cultures were not great in Govt departments, that the money was good but there would be tradeoffs on some of the most important things to me.
I wanted to be involved in work that used my God given talents, because that is where I am most happy and productive
I wanted to work with good people who put culture first, as this is what I had been used to as a contractor, being able to pick my team
I wanted flexible working, so I could still be around for our 14 year old and not be forced into town office environment every day
I want to be part of a meaningful project, that was doing good things in the world
I didn’t think I could get all of these boxes ticked easily in the corporate world working full time for someone else, partially why I had stayed contracting for so many years was because I had more control over these elements of my work life.
God had a plan, a plan when I could not see 2 feet in front of me, no matter how hard I tried, his plan was better than mine by 100 times, all I had to do was wait on him and trust in faith….. that's all….. ha ha ha ha
The timelines for knowing stretched out and out, the call to having patience was killing me, I was pressing into God daily, sometimes hourly, cultivating my faith by singing, praying and worshipping, giving him complete control and praying.
I had to find new and additional ways to find him in the midst. I started falling asleep with a bible sleep meditation app on, playing worship music at times other than my walk, speaking out his truth, cultivating and practicing gratitude daily.
My ‘go to’ was
“God if this is for me, open this door, if it is not close it” “ Open the doors that you want me to walk into and close the ones you don’t want me to walk into”
Plenty of doors were closing….
I made it to the final two, one of us was in Wellington and one in Auckland, I didn’t know this at the time, thank goodness, I found this out later.
They were not worried about where I was based, more about getting the right person for the role.
My husband said some wise words one day when I was anxiously waiting for results, he said
“ If you don’t get it, at least you know where you are pitching yourself now”
Even when I got the news that the role was mine, I had NO idea how much God had gone before me on this.
Six weeks in and I am absolutely in awe of his goodness and provision, the role is awesome, the people are great and the project is exciting and making a difference in the industry we represent!
All those 'boxes' were ticked and more. How could I ever doubt him? Well because I'm human I guess.
Not only that he blessed us on so many other levels as well.
So many good things have come our way, things have gone smoothly, breakthroughs on things for our whole family and friends around me.
I keep pressing in to make sure I am looking to him for sustenance, guidance and love, and thanking him daily, especially when things are going well.
I am not perfect, like I said I don’t have 100% strike rate, and I am OK with that, but I aim for 90%.
Some of the things I did through this time:
Walk daily (most days) with worship music on loud
Starting every day with gratitude
Listening to bible sleep meditation app
Wrote in my journal
Spoke words of hope and positivity even, and especially when I didn’t feel like it
Tried to enjoy the good things that were happening around me
Most importantly when things did come our way, remembering to thank God, and tell others of his goodness.
In this time my FAITH increased, my confidence in God’s goodness increased, my ability to share this and speak FAITH into others lives increased
God makes a way when we can’t see a way, but we have to seek him and understand that it may not be in our timing or prayers may not be answered the way we thought they ‘should’.
When we say his timing in his way, we have to believe that it will be for our best and then wait on him.
I often laugh when I look back on times like this in my life, this has not been my first rumble with trial, and say “ God why do you always take me to the edge, or allow me to get that far before you show up?”
He has not given me a firm answer, but the more I understand God and cultivating faith in all circumstances, I understand that without those times I wouldn’t have a faith that endures life's trials.
It's evidence building, building evidence that God provides in all times, through all things, as long as I press in and seek him.
I don’t write this to say how great I am, or boast about my life, I write this to share how good God is, and boast of some of the things he has done for me and my family.
I do believe every day we have a choice, a choice of what to fill our heads and hearts with.
Gratitude and faith are a heart posture, an option I get to choose every day I am alive, and personally, for me, a space I would much rather spend my time in.
"Praise the LORD! I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart, in the company of the upright, in the congregation. Great are the works of the LORD, studied by all who delight in them. Full of splendour and majesty is his work, and his righteousness endures forever. He has caused his wondrous works to be remembered; the LORD is gracious and merciful" (Psalm 111:1-4).
Arohanui
Jen xx
Remember to subscribe, my writing is flowing again, and if you have anything you would like to share through my blog, reach out, I am always keen for 'guest' posts.
PS: Some of my ‘go to’ worship songs during this time - Every day on loud, sometimes more than once, singing, praying, declaring, sometimes it would take me longer to settle into his presence than others. Showing up was the key.
Whakaaria Mai (How great thou art) by TEEKS and Hollie Smith
I speak Jesus
Just the mention of his name
Comments