.png)
Photo is of my mother on her 80th birthday and me at 54.
Not sure about you but it feels like society, marketing campaigns and the messaging around us, constantly gives us the messages that we should avoid aging, or slow it down, or defy the appearance of it. People say things like " When you get to XXX its all downhill from there" Or "Wait till you get to my age" Or "I can't do that any more because I am too old", even having my last child at 40, I was classified as a 'geriatric mother' far out!
I am ok if people want to believe that stuff and that is their reality but for me, I know I have the power to choose my own thinking and my own belief systems, we all do.
I read something recently that spoke about the privilege of aging. This was enough to trigger me into flipping my thinking about getting older!
That's right, we can flip our thinking at any given moment about any given thing! We can change the way we look at something if we are presented with an opportunity to view it from a different angle, sometimes that angle is better. When we flip our thinking, we can also flip the language we use, internally and externally.
Remember: There is huge power in the words we say, words hold power to form part of our reality.
I woke up this morning, after a few days of not feeling very well, (just a cold or something) and reminded myself what a privilege it is to be alive today.
You may have your own list of people who are no longer here enjoying life, my shorter, closer list is enough to remind me that every day I wake up generally healthy and well is a gift.
My aunty and my step mum both passed away before they reached my age (almost 55 at the time of writing this) from cancer, one from breast cancer and the other ovarian.
My good friend, and mother of 6 kids (one only 10 at the time) passed away from liver cancer before she reached my age.
My other good friend, passed away in her late 40s from a flu pandemic in NZ after losing her husband the year before at 50 from brain cancer.
All these losses are part of my wider losses in life, all were painful, sad, and some still continue to give me moments of feeling the empty space they left in my life.
The flip side is, all those people were people who inspired me in unique ways, they were 'go getters' on career or life journey paths of doing things good in the world, and although it is healthy to grieve the loss, being an optimist I do try to find ways of picking a lesson or learning out of the hard stuff in life.
The thing I carry through with me, and try to remind myself often, is that it is truly a gift to be alive and wake up with a new day and new opportunities to truly live, as many don't get that privilege.
Having a faith in God, I have explored the question many ask, 'Why does God 'let' bad things happen to good people?'
I remember when my step mum was dying at 54, my Dad got angry at the injustice he was feeling for her dying of such a ruthless cancer so young, and was articulating his sadness that this was happening to her, a good person.
She was swift and strong in her reply, she said "This is my time, everyone has their time, and this is mine, I wouldn't wish this on anyone else, I have had a good life and have no regrets, this is my time to go" She also had a faith in God.
This has stuck with me, but also as I have grown and matured in my faith, I have come to realise that ultimately we all have our own paths to walk, God is with us no matter what we go through, sometimes he heals and sometimes he doesn't because it simply is our time to go. The reason God doesn't heal sometimes, is a mystery and one we are not meant to fully understand, that is why 'faith' is called 'faith'.
As humans, especially when we are hurting tend to look for a reason, a solid thing we can pin blame or anger on, so we an make sense of our world and experiences. Even some Christians do it.
Some Christians believe that if you are not healed of something it is your fault, something you are doing or not doing.
I choose to believe that God is a loving God, he is with us no matter what we go through in life and in death, sometimes he fixes things with us and for us and other times he just walks through it with us.
Aging in the Bible is said to be a sign of experience. The Lord promises His continued love and concern for the elderly. “I will be your God throughout your lifetime -- until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you (Isaiah 46:4).
All of these beliefs below help form my approach to life, which by the way is not always easy and is a focused intentional effort most days:
Life is a gift and is short even at it's longest (Jim Rohn)
Its not how long our life is, it is the impact we can have while we are here
We have one body, one health eco system to carry us through this life, the more we look after this vessel the more likely we are (not guaranteed) to be more affective in the world, live longer, and be able to achieve more (whatever that is for us) while we are here
Investing in the health of our mind, body and spirit is the best investment we can make
People are more important than things, material things don't last or go with you when you die
If you know me well, you will know I am not a perfectionist or claim to be perfect, some days are great and some are hard, just like everyone else. I share these things that help me in the hopes that it may help someone else on this crazy life journey.
My key tools in my toolkit that I try to pull out daily:
Gratitude - First thing I try to remember to say every morning is "Thank you for the gift of today"
Prayer - Often starting with the above, giving thanks for the day, and then asking God to be with me no matter what happens that day, its a pretty basic conversation but one I love to have
Booking my physical fitness time in the diary - and not shifting unless critically important or I am unwell (then I listen to my body and rest)
Investing in human relationships - with my kids (especially the adult ones) my marriage, my friendships, my aging parents, and my church whanau.
Forgive quickly and move on, life is too short for grudges, forgiveness is not about letting someone off the hook, it is for your own sanity and mental health. (Also its what we are required to do as followers of Jesus, who forgives us all for everything)
At the end of the day, we don't know when our time will be up, I would love to live well into my 90s, because I feel like I have so much life to live and so many things to do yet, but even with this goal in mind, I am aware that we never know when our time will come, that's just part of being human and mortal (not morbid) so living as well as I can each day that I have is the ultimate goal.
Aging is a privilege not a curse to dread, I love getting wiser, now, I love embracing my birthdays as a celebration of life, celebrating that I got to an age that some others were not fortunate enough to reach, and for that privilege alone I am grateful and I will do my best with each day I have been given on this earth.
Doing my best may look different every day, my own favourite quote is:
Arohanui,
Jen Xxxx
PS: I am always keen to share other stories of encouragement, please fill in my google form if you would like to share something from your journey to encourage others.
If you know someone who may be encouraged by this blog post please feel free to share with the icons below, and remember to subscribe to the blog.
Comments