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A long time ago life was not going as I planned, there was so much uncertainty and trouble from all sides, I was seeking answers, a way through, comfort, purpose and connection.
I had grown up with religion, with doctrine and rules, some lovely rituals that were nice to be a part of but no connection, there was always a lot of fear and damnation in the church's I went to, if you do this you will go to hell, if you don't that you can't take communion. Lots of human judgement in 'Gods' name.
One thing that kept coming back to me time and time again during my 'searching for answers' years was this
" If there IS in fact a God, I am sure he loves everyone, even me"
I couldn't deal with the thought that some people were 'allowed' to be in church a certain way and some where not accepted, or called sinners and judged by humans, some seemed to be chosen an others rejected. This didn't sit well with my heart.
So I went from church to church looking for a place where I could find that love that I believed in my heart existed somewhere and I came to a Lane park service with my 1 year old son in a buggy on my own, 19 years ago (when writing this in 2022) and the minute I walked in and listened to a testimony from a man I had never met but instantly felt like some of his story was my story, I felt I had 'come home'.
The journey just begun there and is continuing as I choose daily still to allow God to be at work in my life.
I remember when I first started making a decision to choose Faith over fear I heard this verse
out of Psalm 139:
For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14, I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15, My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 16, Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
WOW what a verse - I encourage you to read the whole Psalm, sit with the words, meditate on them and then try and deny that we are here by design.
Freedom of choice:
Interestingly one of the things God did give us was the freedom to choose, as humans this can be a dangerous thing. So you do get to choose, we all do.
I have tried living without a relationship with God and it was empty, purposeless, painful and at times lonely.
I tried filling that empty space with work, working out, food, cigarettes back in the day, alcohol, relationships, people pleasing, busyness, other peoples dramas and more.
Funny thing is, that hole was satisfied, it was never filled, I was always still seeking something more.
The day I realised I had a choice, I could choose to believe that my life was designed, meant to be and that I had a purpose and reason for being here, was the day I started to walk towards finding my true purpose and true freedom.
NOTE: The world view of freedom is very self centered, it is all about what you can get for you, and how you can have more and be free from religious rules and others, live for yourself, strive for yourself, only your happiness counts but the flip side of this is you end up alone....
When I chose to find out who this God was, and how I could enter into a full relationship with him, I found true freedom existed! True unconditional love existed!
I can't control what others choose, but I know that I have lived both ways and I would choose the peace, love and freedom of faith any day over a life built on selfish striving and fear.
Brene Brown is a writer I respect and love, and this is her definition of Faith, she searched for other definitions that were out there but didn't find one that meant what she felt so she wrote her own and I personally love it!
Then I realised that when you look at the opposites FEAR and FAITH - someone once said to me you can't be standing in both at the same time, you will either be acting, speaking or even thinking from a place of Fear OR Faith!
WOW - I get to choose again.
NOTE: I am an optimist but also a realist, so I am not void of sanity when life gets hard or serious, I am completely able to be in the moment even the hard dark ones, and feel sadness, grief, pain at the levels that sometimes feel intolerable, BUT... because I have a faith that I chose daily to nurture, I have comfort and some hope that I didn't have before. I can come out and through life's darker tunnels, with hope and purpose.
Look for the right evidence - what you feed grows
You are loved
You belong to him
You are worthy
You have a purpose
You are loved: John 3:16
When it says 'the world' that is you and I - he loves us SO Much, no matter what, he gave us life, why shouldn't he love us.
You belong to him: 1 John 3:1
What an amazing thing to understand, it is actually beyond human comprehension, but that is the point, how can my tiny human mind truly understand God, who created the entire universe, why should I even think I can! I would rather choose to accept it.
You are worthy - Zephaniah 3:17
This really helps with that inner voice, the world, people you have grown up with or even still live with who make you feel by words, actions or anything else that you are not worthy of love, God's love or sometimes anyone else. Isn't this amazing, he takes great delight in you! Let that sink in.
He has a plan for your life - Jeremiah 12:11
Choose to believe this, let it sink into your heart and fully take root. This can be a process, a journey of learning a different way to view yourself.
Summary:
Once I realised I was here by design, not accident, and that there was a purpose for my life I went about intentionally looking for evidence to show me not only that it was true but also what that purpose was, I didn't have to go far to find it, and my life's mission was born.
The evolution of the version of me who chooses a life of faith, believing in these truths has been just that, an evolution. But I do have to remember daily, what I choose.
What we feed grows, is a mantra I live by.
No, my life as a follower of Jesus has not been a bed of roses, nowhere in the bible does God promise to make our lives free of trial and challenge, but he does promise that he never leaves us for forsakes us.
The bible is FULL of his promises, of love, care, healing and provision
People say: 'If there was a God why did this happen and that happen'
He doesn't promise we will have all the answers either and remember my friends, he gave us choice, so bad things still exist in the world because
They do just happen
Humans have the power of free will and choice and still make bad choices
Wouldn't you rather go through life and all its challenges, ups and downs, knowing that there is one who loved you, created you, has a purpose for you and will always be there by your side no matter what?
I choose to believe that we are all here by design NOT accident and that there is a purpose and reason for each of our lives, we are all born with something unique to us that we can contribute here on earth, something that God intended for us to contribute. Our journey should not be about doubting if this is true, life is short, spend time figuring out what that purpose is and how you can share your unique talents with the world we live in right now, while looking forward to eternity with him.
Arohanui
Jen Tyson
Resources to help you:
Graves into gardens song on YouTube - Listen to every word
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