6 steps to get more comfortable with growth

Is growth ever comfortable? I guess we all wish that it was at some level.

Last month I got the privilege of speaking to a bunch of incredible wāhine (women) in building and fire compliance at a conference in Wellington.

My session was on understanding and communicating your value as a woman in a male dominated industry.

As part of the commentary I challenged everyone in the room to remember that to move forward from where we are to where we want to be (grow/change) requires us to step out of our comfort zone and welcome being a little uncomfortable.

This photo is of me speaking at a large event. I may look comfortable but let me share that every time I am asked to speak, I say YES. Not because I am comfortable but because I know it will help me learn, grow and expand this skill set.

Did you ever get 'growing' pains in your body as a child? I did, sometimes my legs would ache or get restless, my bones would feel sore.

Whether there is medical evidence or not to back this as being an actual pain, it kind of makes logical sense.

Stay with me....

For something to change shape, or grow, it will stretch and expand. This is also true for our skills, remember learning to drive? ( I won't use learning to walk as a baby because none of us remember that for ourselves) or if you don't drive, learning to ride a bike, or ice skate, or.... a skill you wanted badly to learn but had to start from scratch as a child or an adult.

It was uncomfortable, awkward and sometimes scary or literally painful (Ice or roller skating for example).

Because we wanted what was on the other side, competency in that skill, we persisted until we got better.

Getting better at communicating (my area of expertise) is one of those funny skills, that many want to be better at, but also dislike the discomfort so much they avoid the pain required to grow and improve.

Communication impacts every area of our lives, because communication is made up of many components, words, body language, tone, energy, expressions, and mindset, we are communicating 100% of the time! Even when we don't realise it, and we are either creating positive ripples or negative ones. The great news is we can take charge of this and create the ripples we want in any situation, the power is with each of us individually.

But back to speaking more generally....

This principal can apply to every area of our lives, I recorded a short (5 min) YouTube video, below, about stepping out of your comfort zone and what it means to be in your stretch zone, relating it to a rubber band and its ability to expand and stretch in order to fit something bigger than its current form.

Comfort zones are useful and we can safely retreat there to catch our breath in between growth opportunities, but when we pitch a tent and stay there we run the risk of never improving our lives for the better.

Nothing grows in the comfort zone, if you want to stay as you are in any area of your life, stay there, there is nothing much wrong with that at all and it is personal choice.

If you are like me, wanting to live life as the best version of yourself each day you have on this earth, becoming our best selves is a journey and requires courage and growth.

I truly believe and it is 'biblical' that we are each put on this earth for a special reason, unique to us, we all have something of value to contribute, when we shrink away and stay comfortable we run the risk of just existing and I don't think that is our purpose. We are too precious for that, God didn't create any of us to just exist.

I believe God wants us to grow, evolve, mature and develop into the best versions of our earthly selves we can be, to contribute our skills to the world around us for his plans, and purposes, that he uses us humans to carry out some of his work on earth.

I believe that this requires HIM and us, he is so big he doesn't need us, but he wants us to partner with him, he created us to, he wants us to understand what we can do in this equation and what we need to rely on him to do.

My quick how to guide shares some of the thing we can do, alongside Gods input to grow: (lessons from my journey)

Start by picking something you want to get better at, spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally.

• Pick one thing

To choose, I usually tell people to pick something that bothers them often, keeps them awake at night, causes the most amount of pain, hassle or frustration due to not being able to do that thing well. The thing that you often find yourself thinking " I wish I was better at..." thing. It could even be something that you have felt God has told you or stirred you to address or improve, he still requires us to do the 'doing' bit.

• Write it down

Write down the thing you want to improve, using communication as an example (your thing may be something else entirely) getting better at saying no, setting boundaries and communicating them, handling conflict, being heard at work or at home....

• Work out what/who you need to help you

Could be a book, a coach, a friend, a video, a course, there could be stages and you may need more than one tool to help, also remember to pray, to ask God to help you or guide you, then take some steps forward and you will know if you are heading in the right direction or not. Sometimes we over spiritualise growth and think that God is going to show up and do it for us, or show us a bright light or the right path and we don't move until he does, waiting, waiting, waiting.... but I believe that God does want us to become the best version of ourselves we can and he also requires us to pray, consider and move before we even see him show up, he meets us on the journey!

• Pick your practice scenario, or create one

If you want to get better at being heard or speaking up at meetings or in group settings, pick a safe friendly environment and ask for time in the agenda or pre meeting if you can, that way you can't back out. Put your hand up, say YES to opportunities to be uncomfortable. Often. Practice makes permanent (not perfect, I am anti perfection its unobtainable)

• Start small and build up

You don't go back to the gym after 1 year off and jump into the advanced class, or lifting 10kg weights, you start small, and build up.

Start with safe small situations to practice and build your skill with safe people around you, remember this is the stretch or growth zone, not the terror zone.

• Rinse and repeat

Evaluate how it went, think about what you did well and what you would like to improve or do differently next time, and then pick another time to practice.

• Keep going

Before you know it, you will outgrow this situation, your comfort zone will now be bigger and include the skill at the level you practiced and got better at!

People often comment on how confident I am as a speaker in front of large crowds, I laugh and reflect back on my childhood where I was a shy child who always got asked why I had my head down in photos.

To get from there to where I am now, has been years and layers of being courageous enough to step out of my comfort zone in lots of situations, building my skill muscles up, and lots of prayer.

I wasn't always this way! All I can attest to is having the courage to step up and say 'yes' to opportunities for growth, to have the courage to being uncomfortable, to being in my stretch zone more than my comfort zone.

God has helped me every step of the way, I give thanks and give glory to him, without him I would have not become who I am today, it has been a combined effort at times but at other times he has just carried me, protected me, guided me in ways I could not have done in my human ability alone.

Here is to you being brave enough to step out of your comfort zone more often in order to becoming the best version of yourself you can be on this earth.

God put you here for a reason friend, the world needs you and what you can bring.

Arohanui

Jen xx

PS: if you want to check out the book or the course I co wrote, pop over to the page here